"I had been playing Treasure Madness again and exchanging items with Blair when Alecia posted a public invitation to a group on my Wall. The group was inviting people to tell the truth to women who have been cheated on by their boyfriends. Alecia's personal message attached to this invitation was the following: "Eva, your boyfriend is having an affair with me." This brought on an interesting, yet humble in length, discussion.
Eva: How should we handle this?
Blair: I can see that I sent you that chastity belt in Treasure Madness for nothing. Shame on you!
Eva: You only sent it because you have no use of it anymore, you old whore.
Blair: Your boyfriend is cheating on you with her and I'm the whore? Screw you, you deserve everything you get.
Speaking of boyfriends cheating on their girlfriends, one of my greatest wishes is that one day Dwayne Marley gets his dream job, in a perfect office, with amazing co-workers, great salary and ME as his boss. I think that karma would then make up for what he did to me. I would constantly provoke him. He hates it when people address him with his full name, because that reminds him of an elementary school teacher who had the same nasty habit when he was supposed to do something in front of the whole class. In that imaginary setting, I don't think I would allow 10 minutes to pass without yelling "Dwayne Marley!" at him, in front of everybody or through the speaker box, even if it were just to check the time or to warn him that the female bathroom is running out of toilet paper. We collected a nice variety of such ideas, which could be realized during staff meetings:
- You've all done an outstanding job, except for you, Dwayne Marley; you'll have to do it all over again.
- We should all go and get a glass of beer after work. Not you, Dwayne Marley, you need to remake the entire project.
- Get me a cup of coffee, Dwayne Marley, but the one from that coffee shop on the other side of the town. Seeing that you don't have a driver's license, you'll have to walk. No, you may not take the bus or a taxi. I don't like the taste of stirred coffee.
- C'mon people! Order another round, it's on Dwayne Marley!
- Someone has puked all over our office toilet. Dwayne Marley, why don't you go and clean it?
- Who should get a raise? That old, foreign, cleaning lady who suspiciously smells of cheese and goes through our garbage when no one's looking or Dwayne Marley? - So, it's decided. Congratulations, Juanita!
- Should we get a new coffee machine or give Dwayne Marley a raise? - Hooray for coffee!
- Someone's been stealing office supplies and equipment. Who do you think it is? That ex-addict con on parole or Dwayne Marley? - Yes, officers, that's him right there. Dwayne Marley."
I need to mention two more people who study with us. They're so vivacious and intriguing that I occasionally wish to stab someone's eye with a rusty fork just to keep things interesting when they speak. Their names - Mr. Plato and Dean Assless. They're both philosophy students. Mr. Plato's an arrogant asshole and a poet. He's not on my list of friends on Facebook, but he's obviously not one of those people who read 'terms of use', so I was able to study his profile. Two things caught my attention. For his political views, he named the following: aristocracy of indestructible kinsmen. His religious views are even better (I'm not sure if this translation is correct seeing that I don't understand what this means even in Croatian): mantic self-sight circle of goddess Athens Always-Imminent. What the hell?! Even Google remained powerless against such a textual diarrhea. The only way to settle this would be to ask him himself, but I don't speak Dickhead. Dean Assless is really nice. He's weird, but decent. We call him that because it seems that he lacks an ass. Seriously, it seems that his legs are directly connected to his back. Also, he's always dressed as if his mom chose his outfits. Nevertheless, he's really nice.
"Just to mention couple of short news. TIMMYYY has sent Blair yet another message and this one sounds a bit more desperate than the last one. This time he pointed fingers at some girl called Adrianna. So far, we've dragged two innocent people into this pile of shit. Let's see how many more we will be able to before he pinpoints the culprit - me. Also, I've just scanned through Babka's profile, too. Now she's in this 'proud to be a linguist' film. I can't wait to get rid of her. Those poor Polish bastards."
Hooray for Poland! You people are heroes and I thank you.
"I barely got up this morning. The night was extremely exhausting for me because I had dreamt about 4 dreams, all of them had different and unconnected plots. I dragged my lazy ass to the bus and came to college about an hour before my first class was starting. Deciding to make a good use of that time, I ventured to the library, indenting to read "Sunrise at Campobello" there. Supposedly, it was a short play and our library was in serious deficit of it, so it was not to be taken out unless it's for photocopying. I asked the nice librarian to let me read the last copy there, but someone had beaten me to it and took it out. She told me that the girl was supposed to bring it back soon and suggested waiting in the study room. I nodded and decided to go to the bathroom first. Wrong choice - because during those 3 minutes I spent peeing, the girl had returned the play and Dwayne Marley miraculously sniffed out the precise moment to screw me over and collected it. Dumbass.
Also, we had a colloquium today. I studied a little on the bus, for approximately 4 minutes and then I switched to detective Bosch (who is more alluring than behaviorism and humanistic theories). While I was on the bus, my fellow students were taking a college break; they skipped a class, drank some coffee and maybe eventually chose to go through the materials. I assumed that this college break included 57 minutes of gossiping and 3 minutes of studying. That's why we held close ranks during the exam. Standard pedagogical procedure; we domineered two rows, squishing together as close as possible. Alecia was so convinced of her knowledge that she even proposed a contest called "who knows less" or "who will solve the test faster". I'm not sure if that's the right name she mentioned, but it was definitely something along those lines. Anyhow, she won, since she required no more than 10 minutes to sum down all that superior knowledge on a borrowed piece of paper and abandon the classroom in a sudden dash.
After the test, I got a copy of "Sunrise at Campobello" and rushed with Blair to the bus station. We entered two different busses, which were parked next to each other. Just as I had settled into my seat, I noticed a certain someone entering the bus. It was TIMMYYY. The moment our eyes connected I spat out a laughter and hid behind a seat, wiping away the drool and snorting violently into a handkerchief. He sat two seats in front of me so when I literally glued my face to the window, I was able to see his reflection in it. However, that attempt made me appear weird and slightly retarded to the rest of the passengers. Now, if there was somebody else in my place, someone with little more regard to decency and personal dignity, they would probably refrain themselves from such behavior in public. But not me. Not only did I fasten my face to the window, but I started waving towards Blair's bus. Sadly, she was looking the other way and didn't notice the maniac who had been wildly gesticulating and raking her nails against the glass in a vain attempt to grasp her attention. Damn you, woman!
It was funny. I kept leaning towards the glass, eyeing at his reflection. He seemed somewhat worried and kept looking around. Maybe he was scared of somebody monitoring his every move, like maybe his personal stalker sitting two seats behind him? I kept repeating his nickname in my head, screaming it loudly, as if I wanted him to hear me and turn around. I just hoped my mouth wouldn't slip up and follow suit, verbalizing it in a very loud and excited tone. If that happened, I'd probably rake my own safety exit in the bus floor. Apart from my secret and slightly perverted gates, nothing worth mentioning associated with him happened. He still hasn't answered our last message and probably tags the blame on Raw Boned and Adrianne."
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