"Few days ago, in a wild combination of boredom and mischief, Alecia and I began viewing profiles on Facebook. Nobody interesting or sexually alluring was online. Suddenly, as I had been going through friend's friends, I noticed a familiar profile picture belonging to an old acquaintance. Now, there's a story attached to that face. We went to the same elementary school but we were never really friends. I had a friend who had a crush on his best friend; the usual, immature stuff. I didn't even know his real name, only his nickname (which he inherited from his father, along with his passion towards football). In this entry, I will use the nickname TIMMYYY, spelt in that precise way. Reasons to this will be explained. Anyway, there was a period where I completely forgot about his existence, till the day I noticed him mingling with other freshmen in the hallway of our college. The first word to have entered my mind was TIMMYYY. He hadn't changed one bit. I informed Alecia of his nickname and dared her to yell it, my mind oblivious to the fact that she's crazy and impulsive enough to do it. Once she did, in a manner resembling the Timmy character from South Park, we turned away from him, blending in with the rest of the confused freshmen. We were as subtle as a piece of lettuce on a McDonalds menu. This entire venture went out of control after this incident and it eventually became Alecia's habit. She was on constant alert, hoping to see his face amongst many others and despite the proximity, my presence or the potential embarrassment her enterprise might involve, she craved for more opportunities to yell TIMMYYY's name. This had not only become a habit, but a standard procedure in case of a close encounter. It's been active for the past two years and still ongoing. However, we're currently taking it to a whole new level.
I showed her his profile and that 'send message' option below his profile picture was just too tempting to be omitted. I urged Alecia to send him a message saying TIMMYYY (suggesting a raised tone of voice followed by at least 10 exclamation marks) and she did. In his response, he wanted her to identify herself. Since this was out of the question, we just kept teasing him by writing stupid answers with a mandatory addition of TIMMYYY in each of our replies till he actually blocked her. His last response was: "Say hello to Raw Boned for me." After that, we realized that we may have fucked up an innocent person. We felt a bit bad and decided not to pursue the joke anymore.
This decision lasted till the following day, when we talked Blair into doing the same thing. TIMMYYY even corrected us; it appeared that we had misspelled his nickname. Again, that Raw Boned person was mentioned. After that, we got no response from him. It was virtual harassment, no doubt about it. We plan to pull couple of more people into this by making them send him the message of the same content. It's horrible, but by the end of this prank, his annoyance will have blossomed into paranoia. Eh, we're going to hell anyway, we might as well have some fun along the way.
Today Blair and Alecia got bored during their class so they, following the footsteps of Facebookers all over the globe, started inventing and annotating the names of idiotic groups and fan pages that could be found there, but these were a byproduct of recent events and TIMMYYY. Here are some examples:
- Blair became a fan of: I wanna run down the street naked and yell: TIMMYYY!!!!
- Alecia became a fan of: I wanna poke TIMMYYY while on college and yell TIMMYYY!!!!
- Blair became a fan of: I wanna run into TIMMYYY and then run off yelling TIMMYYY!!!!
- Blair became a fan of: I hate it when TIMMYYY doesn't reply to my messages.
- Alecia became a fan of: I hate it when TIMMYYY ignores me on Facebook.
- Blair became a fan of: I hate it when people misspell TIMMYYY.
- Alecia became a fan of TIMMYYY.
- Blair became a fan of Raw Boned, my good pal!
- Alecia became a fan of: I hate it when TIMMYYY thinks that Raw Boned is screwing with him.
- Blair joined the group: People who have at least once yelled TIMMYYY!!!!
- Blair joined the group: If I'm running around college yelling TIMMYYY, it doesn't mean I'm disturbed.
- Blair became a fan of: TIMMYYY rocks! xD
- Blair became a fan of: <3 TIMMYYY <3"
Our college is full of weird people. Next in line to Babka, George and Burek Lady is another individual who I simply cannot omit. We named her Cher. Her attire resembles the one of Burek Lady; it's a complete wardrobe malfunction. Every time she attended our classes, she looked as if her wardrobe had swallowed her naked, mumbled her around its pit, leaving whatever attached to her body on her and then vomiting her in such a state back into the world of normal people. That's how she was usually dressed. However, those fashion combinations aren't the only thing making her unique. Her declarations are to be memorized, written and passed down to the following generations in order to make them pee with laughter.
Two are the reasons why we named her Cher. The first reason is the one described in the previous paragraph. Secondly, there was her need to share her personal and most intimate information with the rest of the class, including our professors. One time, we were supposed to go in circle and name things we're proud of. Most of the people mentioned their faculty achievements, getting driver's licenses and such. At this point, she mentioned how her proudest achievement was being able to deliver kittens. In addition to that completely senseless and unnecessary skill, she also mentioned how she hated when her father came to collect her after a night out with her friends and then stayed and talked to them and to her boyfriend. Next, she discussed alcoholic beverages which intoxicated her quickest, along with the consequences of those drinks experienced the following day. She also mentioned how her first born son would be named after a deceased Macedonian singer. She had his picture in her student book and she proudly distributed it to everyone, especially to those who were least interested. The reason why I mentioned her is because she had just sent me a message on Facebook, asking me if I was interested to go out with her. I would, I honestly would, but I have to go and defuse a nuclear time-bomb while suckling on some cyanide bonbons.
Also, Christian has just informed us of his attendance to something called 'a mapping party'. Before I had a chance to Google it, he offered an awkward explanation to Alecia, which we of course, didn't understand. Basically, it was some kind of a geeky trip. He mentioned something about walking through woods and unmarked trails and measuring, then documenting and filing the same data into computer programs. I don't see how this can be called a party. It would be a party if they carried beer and schnapps with them, though this would probably end up with them marking those trails with vomit. Most likely, drunken orientation would get them lost and would make them an easy pray to bandits. I mean, worthy equipment in the hands of half of dozen inebriated geeks simply screams 'robbery'. And 'rape'. I'm laughing.
Christian also mentioned Dwayne Marley, reminding me that it's been a while since I last saw him. I stalk him over Alecia's Facebook profile every now and then, since I had deleted him both on Facebook and MSN. To cut story short, during that period when his alter ego Hans prevailed (Hans was lovely, humorous, natural and actually LIKEABLE), he had been on extremely good terms with us. Then he cheated on his girlfriend with me, lied to both of us, decided to stay with her but couldn't find enough balls to confront me till I actually forced him, then he discarded both me and my friends and how he treats us like insolent maggots with a mental disability. A really charming guy, right? It would be easier to get back at him if he talked to us, but since he doesn't, we talk behind his back. Lately he had been seen around an attractive brunette called Angie. They are constantly together during classes, whispering soft things into each other's ear and nuzzling into each other. He was even seen applying his ultimate seduction technique; taking a girl to a coffee date and then brainwashing her into dating him. I never attend those; I fear them. The pressure of being alone within arm's reach with someone I'm attracted to makes me knock things over, perspire abnormally much and stumble over my own words (this is usually associated with production of incoherent sounds similar to those present during an elephant mating). I went out with him on such a date once. It was a disaster. I would rather have my naked ass pained red and then pushed into a Beetle with a raging bull than repeat that experience. Yes, it was THAT uncomfortable. I've no idea how his current girlfriend Jane (Bambi in our book), lived through that same trail just to get a status of his girlfriend. To get back to the point, his flirting with Angie is as subtle as a nuclear bomb explosion. It's funny how he feels that those things go unnoticed by the people who surround him. Alecia said that she would one day walk up to him and ask him: "Hey Dwayne Marley, how's your girlfriend?" He would then answer and then she'd say: "Good, good. And how's Jane?" Snap! We all share a good laugh. Curtain down.
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