"When I become an intergalactic emperor, I will abolish death metal. Today I drove on the bus with a guy who was sitting four goddamn seats behind me and listening to a guy raping an electric guitar with another electric guitar. He was wearing earphones, but the sound was still as intense as it would be if played on speakers. It was ripping through my already sore head and I had to fight back the urge to jump on him and try to insert them in him, rectally, not starting with the wire. I need to buy myself an MP4. I'm starting to miss Charlie and his disco on wheels. Due to fatigue, I can't even read on the bus anymore. Letters become crazy and jump off the pages and all over the seats and on my clothes and it's impossible for me to collect them. For the last couple of days, I had been examining the surroundings as we drove. It's pretty boring, always the same things; the same brown chicken at the bottom left part of the field pecking at the ground, the same tree decorated with plastic bags of unknown purpose which mystifies me, the same drunken and mentally unstable hitchhiker at the entrance of one of the villages near my hometown - nothing changes! Alright, the drunken and mentally unstable hitchhiker was on the opposite side of the road today, but that's not the point. I have to get myself an MP4 player... Or bus buddies. Yup, better start saving money.
Finally, I'm nice and cozy. I took a shower and washed my hair since I have to get up tomorrow around 5AM. My hair looks abnormally good. It's always the same. Whenever I don't have to go anywhere, it looks bloody amazing. If it's Saturday and I have to appear all fancy and girly-like it will look as if belonging to a washed-up rock star. Speaking of bad hairdos, we have a "friend" who is a lying, backstabbing whore and treacherous vaginal discharge of a woman. Oh, and her hairdo also sucks. I've yet to meet a person with such a vivid imagination. Initially, we had been on good terms with her. One could say she was a good friend. She was planning a wedding, we were all invited, great plans were forged and May even bought a dress and cute shoes for the occasion to have it all suspiciously cancelled. We never got to the background story of this entire charade. We just played along, expressing our regrets and yada yada yada, to cut a boring story short, after that, she shamelessly started lying to us as well. Every time a certain arrangement including her was made, she wouldn't appear and then she'd offer us the most inventive and complicated excuses the following day. We even made a list of those excuses. It took up several pages of my last diary. The procedure was as follows:
- we make plans to go out (few times we even bought alcohol for her and depended on her as our ride)
- we set the date and location
- we appear
- she doesn't
- we try contacting her and she tells us she'd be there in a minute
- an hour passes, we're drunk, thinking that we may have forgotten something
- after another hour of drinking we realize what that forgotten 'thing' was
- again, we try calling her, she doesn't answer
- we drink more, dance, vomit, go to sleep
- the following day there's an excuse neatly delivered to one of the mobile phones
The excuses are simply astonishing. I'll name couple of them. While she was still with that last sucker of hers, she stood us up because they had gone to talk to the priest and he kept them busy till midnight so it was OBVIOUSLY too late for her to drive over and go out with us. For my birthday, she had fallen asleep in the shower. For Alecia's last annual festivity, her cousin had been driving her to Alecia's village (so that she could drink with us) through some unregistered roads in the middle of woods, when a drunken man miraculously formed on the side of the road on his bicycle and her cousin nailed him with her car. She informed us of the accident, saying that her cousin was simply too upset to be left alone and that the car needed some fixing. Nobody mentioned the injured drunkard who got ass-raped by a car; he obviously crawled back to the fairy land from which he had originally poofed. Then there was this one time her cousin had to be taken rapidly to oral surgery and there was no time to explain why, yet she found enough time to describe the circumstances in a novel of a text message while driving at the speed of 100km/h though the city. Oh, and my personal favorite! I can't recall the inducement, however, her grandpa's brother had died and she was in charge of the transportation of the priest and the coffin, which is pretty funny, seeing that her car is slightly bigger than a sardine can. The only way that would actually be feasible if is she had stuffed the priest into the coffin and then into the car."
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