Have you ever been smacked in the head with an Oxford's dictionary? -Nope, neither have I..

          "May's going to Graz this summer, yay! I'm so happy for her. She and Dwayne Marley both applied for a summer school course this year in Graz and she got accepted! Dwayne Marley didn't. She couldn't figure out she why made it and he didn't. Their grades don't substantially differ, they both got their letters of recommendation from our professors and the only thing they were supposed to compose themselves was an application essay. I read May's; it's amazing. No wonder she got in. I didn't get a chance to read Dwayne Marley's. Maybe it wasn't dripping in such quality as the rest of him. Or maybe that school simply has a policy against admitting pricks.

          Speaking of pricks, we have another gem who studies with us. He's very keen on setting things ablaze. He's a pyromaniac on parole and he cannot leave the state because he had made one small, tiny, negligible mistake of setting a house on fire." That beautiful habit aside, he also has a charming personality. When someone suggested starting our own magazine, his comment was; "I'd rather drink a gallon of turpentine and piss on a forest fire. In addition to these numerous traits, he also looks as if someone had tied him up and thrown him into a river, let him soak there for couple of days and then dragged him out. He's very pale and somewhat bloated. His skin seems inhumanly white; even more so when compared to the lack of color of his attire. I know that black is considered a color, but holy shit, it's not the only one. As if that weren't enough, he also has that little something every witch might find necessary in her line of work - a broom, if she doesn't mind pulling it out of his ass. On top of all this, Blair's madly attracted to him. I suggested adding him on Facebook and then subtly becoming a fan of 'being set on fire'. Once, we had been sending him messages from an unregistered number. Blair got drunk and used up impossibly long 4 hours by speaking about how she would screw him morbidly... or darkly. I cannot recall the exact expression. Either way, EXTREMELY UNSETTLING.

          Back to the point. After May's announcement, we had Andragogy. We acted really unprofessional, YET AGAIN. People were having presentations and seminars while the rest of us observed the butterflies (meaning; "I have a really impressive concentration sp... Ooooh, a butterfly!") around the room. When the class was almost over, our professor expressed her discontent and disappointment in our collegiality. We just nodded and clapped, thus confirming her assumption that absolutely nobody was paying attention to her. Overthrown by general apathy, she just ushered us out of the classroom and to our next class. After that, May and I got together with Blair and Alecia and went back to Alecia's apartment for a cup of coffee.

          On our way there, we started talking about an acquaintance of ours who tickles my interest. You see, back when I had been painfully single, I decided that I needed a crush. I needed extra motivation to go to classes, so it seemed a reasonable solution to choose someone who attended the same classes as I did. I applied an efficient system of elimination. I immediately eliminated the complete department of Philosophy because I didn't think I would be able to sustain such amount of verbal diarrhea on an everyday basis (plus, since I couldn't afford a translator, I probably wouldn't understand 99% of the words coming out of their mouth). Department of Croatian language already suffers from a serious deficit of men (with the exception of one guy, who is the prototype of a chain; stuffed with testosterone, sprinkled with primitivism and lacking tolerance towards everything that clashes with socially accepted standards), so that was a big NO. English and German departments have Dwayne Marley, who is, though appealing to watch, as arousing as a smelly potato sack. This left me with History department, which has as many attractive bachelors as a nunnery (with the exception of Corey, who is my best friend). However, after a careful consideration and evaluation of options (and after crossing out all the pyromaniacs, grave desecrators and people who could star horror villains without any make-up on), I made my decision. There's a guy there, nicknamed Q-Ball. We had all been seduced by his shaved head into believing that it was the reason for that nickname, but we were wrong. Apparently, he had been a very chubby child. The nickname stuck. He's cute in a slightly bizarre way. I like him. I'm even willing to overcome what might seem as irreconcilable differences between us - the fact that his best friend is Babka, the fact that he's an ostentatious asshole and the fact that he has only one eyebrow. Now if that's not effort, I don't know what is."

Resuming on with the diary bits.

          "Fucking Wednesday. Not only are we stupid on Wednesdays, but those are usually the days when at least one of us has a crackpot idea. This Wednesday, after taking an English language practice test (and not knowing what sound sheep and goats produced), May and I went for a beer. The reason why we'd do that at 9AM was the lecture we were supposed to have at noon, held by Handy Man. We agreed that his lectures were unbearable, so we had decided to loosen things up a bit before going to college. Of course, as it never stops on a single beer, we got pretty tipsy and at one point, even verbally abused the man during class, implying that he was an idiot for proposing to do some exercises when only 4 of us bothered to attend. After that circus, we went to Alecia's place and soon enough May left home and Blair arrived.

          After suffering a severe boredom, we needed an excuse to do bullshit so we modified the game of 'truth and dare' by kicking out the 'truth' part. We went alphabetically; the two of us teaming up in creating a challenge for the third one. The challenges were modest at first but they eventually became extreme. Alecia had to clean her disgusting floor with her tongue and Blair had to gulp down the remaining content of an ashtray. I had the honor of chewing one of Alecia's socks. Then, Blair had to lick between my toes and the bitch bit me twice because I had tried to seduce her by patting her cheek with my entire foot. After that, Alecia had to sustain 20 pegs on the skin of her arms. She screamed the whole time, the whiny pussy. However, it seemed that she didn't mind sauntering her balcony topless. Blair thought she'd get her revenge by making me drink stale water, but she was mistaken. I didn't mind it too much. Sadly, she got her revenge little bit later when she painted a moustache on my face with her mascara and made me walk like that to the gas station to buy beer and cigarettes. I punished her by knocking her ass onto the ground afterwards. When we came back to the apartment, someone wisely asked; "Have you ever wondered what it would be like to get smacked in the head with an Oxford's dictionary?" and curiosity prevailed. To answer this question; it feels really painful. Each sustained 2 smacks; one on each side of the head (the second smack was the crucial one because it returned the brain in its previous position and leveled out the jaw). After being smacked with a 3765 pages heavy book (luckily it wasn't a hardcover), we made an ironical observation that this was the first time after 4 years of studying that we had actually used that dictionary. Ahh, fun times."